Melisinka

This is Crowley’s Lust card. To him, lust was strength, and I get it. The power you feel when you are at one with the sexual life force. When you get your mojo on and start living as you truly want to live. In your own divine power, loving yourself and all of life around you. Energy, movement, dance, riding on lions, bring it on! To me, the power of this card is like a personal Sun. Very Leo energy, all fire – orange and yellow and red and loving the summer and basically, the exact opposite to what i’ve experienced for most of my life.. so it’s pretty damn fine to come up and get a bit of this stuff, I can tell you.

Fire, fire burning bright!   There is something mighty about that big ball of fire in the sky, isn’t there. The Sun card in most decks I’ve seen doesn’t do justice to the incredible power of  this energy. To be honest, I almost find it a “nice” card, especially the Rider Waite version, with the little blond kid on a pony amidst sunflowers and  blue skies. I mean, really… how do you get the power of the Sun from that? Sure, it’s positive energy and things are generally going to be going pretty well for you if this card shows upright… but there’s a lot more to the Sun than that, as I have recently discovered.

About 6 weeks ago, when my relationship ended, I kept getting this card showing up. It was kind of weird, because I was expecting the three of swords and Death and all the rest, but there it was: the little smiling cherub seeming to wave a red flag at me and tease me with everything’s going to be just fine! Tarot can be amazing in that it will show you what’s coming in a way you resist or doubt, but then, soon enough, you find out that it was right. I guess it’s why we go to have a reading, to get some sense of what is to come, when the present feels overwhelming and we feel like it’s never going to change.

So, my Sun’s come shining on me! It feels like the big old sky is rewarding me not only for what i’ve been through in the last little while but pretty much what i’ve been working towards for my whole life. I know that sounds dramatic, but I just don’t care, because it’s true and it’s awesome and I don’t think I’ve ever been happier or felt more myself – ever.

The Sun is an intensely powerful energy. It has all the burning, lustful fire of life. In the core of my being, my solar plexus (no coincidence that’s where you feel all that crazy energy when your emotions run high), my will to succeed and find joy was activated. I was just so bored with being unhappy, or struggling to be happy. This was the part of me that had had enough of the Moon and the Underworld, the deep and introspective melancholy journeying. My spirit just spat the dummy. GET OVER YOURSELF GIRL!

Catapult into the flames. Burn it all away. It’s no joke being in the funeral pyre. But my god, Apollo, how awesome when you rise like the Phoenix from the ashes! The Sun is characterized by physical energy, will, bright energy, fun, laughter, personal power, ego, a sense of self in the most positive way. It’s very lovable, like a little kid who just loves showing off and performing for the sheer joy of being alive and feeling good. For me at the moment it’s very much like that. I just want to dance and dress up in new clothes and enjoy being in my body. I feel like I’m shining from the inside.

I do think it is important to recognize that the Sun comes after the Moon – to truly shine in this way is not a superficial fluffing up of the ego accompanied by a shopping trip. That glamour wears off all too soon and leaves a hollow feeling, it just can’t be sustained.  It is only after the dark night of the soul, in which one faces  the truth in all its scary guises,  and doesn’t hide,  that the  daybreak can be truly appreciated.

For me, the Sun has been about falling in love – with myself. Standing back from everything and having a look at it all and realizing I’m pretty damn alright. I know that sounds vain or just ridiculous, but again, I just don’t care. I know that to love others it is first crucial to love yourself. I have struggled with loving myself for my whole life, as so many people do, and have wanted to love myself more, but just never succeeded too well until now.

It’s so cool how once you start really feeling this love, the world around you loves you more and more too. Doors are opening everywhere, connections being made, old wounds being healed, old baggage left behind, the feeling of freedom is divine! As the Buddha said,

The world is a looking glass. It gives back to you a true reflection of your own thoughts. Rule your mind or it will rule you.