Melisinka

Okay, so let’s get one thing clear from the beginning: VAMPIRE BOYS ARE HOT. Everyone knows this. Every woman and girl packed into cinemas across the western world right now vicariously living through Bella in “Twilight”(some, like my daughter, for the millionth time) i’m sure will agree that there is just something about ‘the cold ones’ which makes you want to help warm them up, in pretty much any way they like.( I’m just amazed that the Red Cross hasn’t cottoned on to this earlier. There is a market for blood out there, just give away free Edward posters or something. Paint him on the blood donor van, you’ll have the ladies lining up!) Sure, not all vampires are as gorgeous as Edward, like those ugly ones in Buffy (not Angel or Spike, of course. I’m talking about the other ones) – but there is a long history of beautiful vampire boys that has preceded this most recent ‘incarnation’ (if you will) in the form of Edward Cullen, and they more or less share certain characteristics that has a deep and wide appeal for the female race.

Boys watch movies in a different way to girls, of this i am certain, and so it is obvious that they very often miss all the things that make us melt. For guys, there is no subtlety, it’s all about the chase and the action, and when the kissing scene finally comes on, they start groaning and close their eyes and some even try and fast-forward to the next action scene!!! ( this IS what most guys do, isn’t it? Please tell me it’s not just my boyfriend…)So i thought it might be a nice thing to do to compose a brief but helpful list of some of those things so that all those boys and men out there who want to lift their game a little, can learn from. I might have to do it in a couple of parts, as there is kind of a lot to cover, when i think about it.

Anyway, here goes:

1. SLOW DOWN! One of the most obvious things ever, but almost totally overlooked by most boys is this hugely important factor. In Twilight when we first see the Cullens (the vampire family Edward belongs to), it is actually in slow motion. They move as in a dream, floating like some gorgeous fantasy line up of the coolest kids ever. It makes so much more of an impact, makes them stand out from the crowd. It’s like they don’t have to DO anything, their presence is commanding enough. And it gives time to get looked at properly. Think cat, not dog. Don’t pant.

Then when Edward makes his first attempt to kiss Bella without devouring her (not easy for him, because her smell drives him crazy with blood-lust), he tells her there’s something he wants to try, to be still, not to move. He comes in so slowly, drawing out that moment, so that by the time his lips finally reach hers…. oh yeah….

So just DON’T RUSH IT! Be in every breath present. Breathe in the ecstasy and make it last, it’s like riding a wave. Dive into the experience and explore it all. Boys who know how to kiss are the best ever.

2. LOOK. Vampires are hunters. They watch their prey before they move, instinctively Take a look at the picture of Edward above here. Note the intensity of the gaze, the focus as though nothing else exists in the world but Her, the object of his obsession, his desire, his love. Throughout the entire movie, there is scene after scene of Edward just looking at Bella. Girls LOVE this stuff! We go to a lot of trouble and pay a lot of money so that you will look at us, so once you have us, don’t stop looking. Look deeper. Want to know more. See with your ‘vampire eyes’- eyes of lust, of desire, of need and longing and hunger. We need to feel this, it’s our instinct.

If you find this all a little intense, ask yourself why. Why can some guys not hold a gaze? It’s true that “The Eyes are the Gateway to the Soul”, and it is by looking into one another’s eyes that you can enter into deep intimacy. With Edward and Bella it’s interesting because they can’t physically consummate their relationship, so they spend a lot of time just being with one another, sitting close and talking. And that beautiful scene in the forest where they are both just lying close staring into one another’s eyes!What worlds may be entered in this way!

To be honest, looking like this is far more of a challenge in terms of being intimate, vulnerable and exposed, than is a lot of sex. You can communicate so much with look. Think about those moments when you’ve made eye contact with someone and felt a rush throughout your whole body. This is the sensation that is the tip of the iceberg.

3. BE A GENTLEMAN. Vampires are traditionally aristocratic, and therefore have been bred with fine taste and cultural awareness. Old-fashioned manners are just so… much fun! Being made to feel special, being shown respect, is something so lovely, it’s automatically a million bonus points, but especially if you dress like one at the same time. Women love romance, it’s simple. We like dressing up, and we love it when you dress up too. Shorts and thongs and t-shirts is the curse of our generation, as far as i’m concerned. Can you imagine a million women swooning over a vampire in thongs? Exactly.

And with the manners thing, it’s not about saying please and thank you so much as it is about wooing with style. Sure, opening the door is good, but so is climbing in her bedroom window – it’s gotta be with a bit of cheekiness too. It’s all in the manner, the way you speak and the words you use (again, less is more. just shut up and keep looking. and smile). When Edward asks Bella’s father for permission to take her to the prom, it is the gesture that is so appealing. We all know he wants to suck her blood and devour her and that underlying tension as he politely requests the evening is so delicious because it’s all part of the game. It’s the hero’s role to be gallant and charming. Don’t be crass, don’t take us for granted. Show that have good breeding, monster boy.

4. BE BAD! Yes, yes, i know i’ve just raved on about manners and stuff and now i’m suggesting what appears to be the opposite. This is where so many of you get it so wrong. Remember, that at the heart of all truths there is a paradox. It’s never simple, and yet it’s so simple it’s crazy. Okay, I admit, it’s the tricky part, but it is very, very important. In fact i would say it is at the crux of why vampire boys are appealing in the first place. It’s why the rebel angel thrown out of heaven has such cool appeal and in movies the bad guys inevitably dress way better than the good guys. Except for batman, of course. But look at Superman! How stupid is that costume! But i digress…

The good looking rebel who plays by his own rules has infinite appeal not because he’s bad in an arsehole kind of way, but because he sees the game for what it is – rigged. So firstly, he’s not dumb. He may not be educated, but he has instinct , intelligence and awareness. Usually, he’s been rejected on some level because he won’t play by the rules- other people’s rules – and so brings with him an element of chaos. Exciting. Unpredictable. In terms of the tarot, the quintessential Knight of Swords. He challenges the way things have been done because he is passionate and follows his own instinct.

But the vampire boy hero is not just a rebel for his own sake. What gives him the deep appeal, the key to the hearts of women, is that he is also the Knight of Cups. Without love, he may as well be dead (irony noted), and will often be found brooding and apathetic before he finds a reason to live; and that reason is always LOVE. One of my favorite moments in Twilight was when Edward drives to school with Bella, and all the kids are watching with mouths agape as he parks in the midst of everyone and proudly puts his arm around his girl, breaking all the taboos and preconceived ideas of who he is and what he does, and he just floats above it all, smiling. His love for Bella gives him the strength and total conviction to do as he pleases. James Dean was the same in Rebel without a Cause when he fell in love. So was Romeo with Juliet. These boys are liberated by love. They are not players, they are romantics – there is an infinite difference.

And here i should leave it for today, before this ends up being a book! Will be back with part two soon…